The Riff Raff Guide to Extreme Eating

While the majority of us attempt to achieve our ideal body through calorie-restricting and the occasional run, rapper Jody Highroller, more commonly known as Riff Raff, has taken a decidedly different approach. Back in March, Riff Raff made a public announcement that, with the help of multiple-time wrestling champion Hulk Hogan, he would achieve his “Versace” goal weight of 240 pounds and join the WWE.

Witnessing Riff Raff’s transitions throughout the past few months have taught us quite a few things about eating and life, as well as inspired us all to consider professional wrestling as a career path. In short, his training diet has been insane. Not only does he consume ridiculous amounts of food, but his crazy food guidelines and pairings have also sparked the interest of bros and foodies alike. The journey from 170 pounds to 240 has been paved with nachos, seafood feasts, and some very odd snacks.

Here are 13 golden rules of extreme eating we learned from Riff Raff’s Instagram: 

Forget breakfast for dinner—it’s all about dinner for breakfast.

EXTREME BREAKFAST

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on Aug 6, 2015 at 9:34am PDT

Ever wake up disappointed that it’s 8am. and you have to wait at least four hours before consuming your next burger? Riff Raff wants you to throw out all those preconceived notions of what a morning meal should look like by eating whatever you please—anytime, anywhere.

Don’t be afraid to order the whole menu.

THE PROBLEM WiTH GOiNG TO THE MALL FOOD COURT iS PiCKiNG JUST 1 PLACE SO i BETTER GET EVERYTHiNG SO i DONT REGRET NOT GETTiNG EVERYTHiNG …. ERNG SODY

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on May 7, 2015 at 4:38pm PDT

No longer will you have to pick and choose which menu item you want to indulge in at a restaurant. With Riff Raff’s (probably) patent-pending diet, you can have it all—literally.

Sugary snacks should be always be chased with even more sugary drinks.

FiRST LET ME HOP OUT THA MUFUKiN PORSCHE

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on May 9, 2015 at 6:38pm PDT

Typical healthy eating guidelines suggest cutting out all sugary liquids, for they are seen as “empty calories.” On the Riff Raff diet, you can munch on some banana Twinkies then chase them with a Big Gulp and a Fanta. What more could you possibly ask for.

Late-night pizza is a must.

THE ONLY WAY TO GAiN WEiGHT iS TO EAT LARGE AMOUNTS OF PiZZA AT STUPiD LATE HOURS OF THE NiGHT

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on Nov 18, 2014 at 9:41pm PST

Most dietitians frown upon late-night eating; Riff Raff encourages it. Always eat a pizza a day if you want to become a Versace GAWD.

Take the ‘see food’ diet very seriously.

ALWAYS REMEMBER TO EAT 4000 CALORiES OF CAJUN SHRiMP EVERYDAY iF U WANT TO WEiGH 250 POUNDS

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on Dec 15, 2014 at 4:43pm PST

Riff Raff’s a seafood fanatic. It’s the oldest joke in the book: He sees food, and he eats it.

Don’t be afraid to multi-task.

KiDS DONT TRY THiS AT HOME #GucciJacuzziBreakfastCombo

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on Feb 10, 2015 at 7:33am PST

When your future career depends on your figure, you have to make time to eat—even if it means a three-course meal in your bathtub.

Healthy should be a subjective term.

VERY HEALTHY BREAKFAST

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on Aug 4, 2015 at 9:37am PDT

As long as there is something green on your plate, you can dub the meal “healthy.”

Feast so hard that people name sandwiches after you.

JODY HiGHROLLER LOBSTER ROLLS COMiNG SOON

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on Jul 12, 2015 at 8:05pm PDT

The goal is to inspire others and become a neon icon.

Don’t forget to give back.

iM BUYiNG EVERYONE CRAB LEGS iN WEST PALM BEACH FLORiDA, YOU ARE WELCOME AMERiCA

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on Jul 4, 2015 at 6:38pm PDT

Although Jody Highroller has experienced an immense amount of success throughout his journey, he hasn’t forgotten to give back to the country that made him a star (and probably inspired him to eat the way he does).

Remember: morning workouts mean you can eat whatever you want for the rest of the day.

ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO EAT A HEALTHY BREAKFAST AND WORK OUT EVERY MORNiNG THEN THE REST OF THE DAY EAT PiZZA AND SNACKS AND SHiT AND THEN AT NiGHT DRiNK BEERS AND VODKA AND GET PiSSY DRUNK AND PiSS YOUR PANTS AND FiGHT YOUR BEST FRiEND THEN WAKE UP iN THE MORNiNG WiTH 2 BLACK EYES AND SAY “WOW LAST NiGHT HURT” THEN GO EAT A HEALTHY BREAKFAST TO REPLACE THE ONE YOU BARFED UP AT 4am

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on May 30, 2015 at 9:51am PDT

To get a body like Riff Raff, all you need to do is eat a ton, work out in the morning, then get wasted at night. Pretty sweet deal.

Soak up the philosophical lessons of feasting.

THE FUNNY THiNG ABOUT LiFE iS PEOPLE WiLL COME AND GO AS THEY DAM WELL PLEASE iF THEY DECiDE TO UP AND LEAVE BECUZ THEY THiNK THEY FOUND SOMETHiNG BETTER THEY WiLL UNLESS YOU LOCK THEM iN YOUR HOUSE OR GiVE THEM MiLLiONS OF DOLLARS BUT BBQ FOOD AND DOGS WiLL STAY THERE AND ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEED THEM

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on May 16, 2015 at 3:44pm PDT

Your diet will not only change your body, but it will also enlighten your mind. Remember: people may leave, but food is forever.

Don’t stop even when you’re too big to fit in your Lambo.

TURKEY AVOCADO BACON SPiNACH OMLET WiTH THOUSAND iSLAND DRESSiNG AND SWEET POTATO WEDGES YOU HAVE TO EAT MORE AND MORE EVERYDAY SO THAT YOU CAN GET TO 250 POUNDS iTS A LONG ROAD AND ALOT OF WORK iN THE WEiGHT ROOM BUT MOSTLY EATiNG AND HANGiNG OUT BY THE POOL SO THAT YOUR BODY CAN ABSORB ALL OF THE FOOD AND THEN WHEN YOU ARE SHOPPiNG FOR A LAMBORGHiNi THEN YOU REALiZE OK WELL THiS MiGHT BE TOO SMALL FOR MY BURLY BOD BUT THEN YOU REALiZE YOU CAN GET THE DROP TOP LAMBO AND HAVE MORE SPACE AND ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO BUY ANOTHER CAR THATS WAY BiGGER SO YOU CAN RELAX AND DONT HAVE TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE AT A 90 DEGREE ANGLE SEATiNG ARRANGEMENT RiDiNG AROUND iN THE LAMBO ALL DAY SO DONT BE AFFRAiD TO SWiTCH iT UP AND MAYBE GET THE NEW 2015 ESCALADE OR WHATEVER YOU WANT AND REMOVE THE BACK SEATS AND PUT A MATTRESS iN THE BACK SO U CAN SLEEP AND EAT GUSHERS WHEN U WAKE UP

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on May 1, 2015 at 12:49pm PDT

It just means you get to buy another car. You can install a mattress in the back, take a nap, and eat Gushers when you wake up.

Say no to broccoli bars and celery sticks.

U CANT GAiN 230 POUNDS OF PURE MUSCLE MASS BY EATiNG BROCOLi BARS AND CELERY STiCKS YOU GOTTA EAT 4400 CALORiES A DAY LiKE THE NEON iCON AND U GOTTA LiFT BiG WEiGHTS AND DRiNK MOUNTAiN DEW & MONSTER ENERGY AT LEAST 4 DAYS OUT OF THE WEEK THE REST OF THE TiME iM DRiNKiNG BEERS, TAKiNG NAPS iN TREE HOUSES AND WRESTLiNG ALiGATORS & BABY CHiMMY CHUNGA WOLVES

A photo posted by RiFF RaFF JODY HiGHROLLER (@jodyhighroller) on Apr 24, 2015 at 4:22pm PDT

Vegetables will not help you reach your goals.