Kyle Marcoux is clearly a big believer in public mastication. As The Vulgar Chef, his preferred tagline is #eatlikeshit.
Two things are obvious from every photo he Instagrams: that he’s a true believer in his cause, and that he takes the time to make each shot look as gloriously foodporny as possible. The end result is horrifying and fascinating, and there’s definitely some ROFLing that will occur as you read his captions.
Screw the preamble, let’s get to the good stuff. Don’t eat or drink while you peep this roundup of the most demented foods created by The Vulgar Chef (unless you like choking).
Bacon-Jalapeño Grilled Cheese Mac n’ Cheese
“Pre-Brazzers log in, I was craving the living fuck out of a Bacon Jalapeño Mac n’ Cheese Grilled Cheese on a fuckin’ stick. So naturally I made the living tits out of one. My only regret with this over the top shit fest was not deep frying it in bacon grease or motor oil or some shit.”
Pork Butt Mac n’ Cheese Chimichanga
“This dude,@culinarybrodown, coming in hot as fuck with this chimichanga. Braised as fuck pork butt, Jack & Coke BBQ sauce, poblano Mac thee fuck cheese, and some of your mothers picked titty jalapeños.”
Postmodern Grilled Cheese
“I was feeling extra fat in the man tit area…so I decided I would chop up a grilled cheese…and stuff the fuck out of it inside another grilled cheese. Maximum cheese fuckery right here folks. If you don’t use shitty processed cheese when making a grilled cheese, you are seriously fucking up.”
Frank n’ Bean Popsicles
“So summer is right around the corner and that can only mean one thing…Frank n’ Bean Popsicles. Pairs well with a fuckin’ glass of Potato Salad Sangria. This shit will make your farts smell like a handful of dirty pennies.”
S’morrito
“Now back to our regularly scheduled programming…shitty fat food that makes your ass sag to your toes. S’mores are great but by the time I’m done making one I already ate the fuck out of it. So I made a #Smorrito. A peanut butter & jelly bacon S’morrito to be fucking exact. This shit will give you man tits in 20 minutes flat.”
Ramen Tacos
“You know what it is. I know what the fuck it is. Let’s not give each other outside of the pants hand jobs. Chicken bacon ranch #ramentaco and a fuckin shaved beef-jalapeño #ramentaco. Been a minute since I made some of these fuckers.”
Rice Krispies Treats Bun Burger
“When life hands you lemons…shove the lemons up your ass pipe and make a Rice Krispies Treats bun burger. You also need to add bacon and peanut butter…because if you don’t you’re a fuckin’ kid diddler. This shit just as cool as photo shopped nudes of @jessicaalba“
Ice Cream Cookie Taco
“Livin that ice cream cookie taco lyfe player.”
Chocolate Coconut-Crusted Doughnut Ahi Tuna Sandwich
“I got out of work and was like…fuck…I could really go for some ahi tuna, but I want that shit between two chocolate coconut crusted doughnuts. I was also like…fuck…I could go for some spam and pine-the-fuck-apple on that dirty little fuck stack as well…and fuck it some BBQ sauce too, I already came this fuckin’ far.”
Tubesteakception
“Oh…you put your hot dog in a bun made out of bread? That’s cute. I put my bacon wrapped hot dog in a bun made out of a bacon and cheddar stuffed sausage because bread makes you fuckin’ fat bro.”
Yolo Cannolo
“Yeah. It’s a bacon cannoli. Filled with shitty canned ass cheese and pepperoni sprinkles. I call it the fuckin’ Yolo Cannolo.”
Leftover Chinese Food Cupcake
“I forgot I took this… While I was making my Cup O’ Noodle cupcake, I had some leftover Chinese food and wanted a Chinese cup the fuck cake. Would have been 10x better topped with crab rangoon filling but sometimes you just gotta grab life by the dick and just say fuck it.”
Krispy Kreme Ice Cream Sandwich
“My brother from a swoller mother @fitness_iq thought it would be cool to split a @krispykreme doughnut in half. He also thought it would be cool to stuff that shit with vanilla ice cream, and Cap’n Fuck Crunch. Keep on truckin’ you dirty food eating weight lifting juggernaut”
Poutine Sushi
“Popped my sushi rolling cherry last night. Naturally, I made poutine as fuck sushi. Wish I had spent more time on presentation…maybe used some bacon and a fuckin’ wet sock or some shit. More shitty sushi to will follow.”