What is the perfect way to slice a bagel? If you said “with a Sharper Image Precision Cut Bagel Slicer,” you are basic. The Mathematics and Nature Tumblr has added to the growing list of things the Internet says we’re doing wrong with its breakdown of the mathematically correct way to slice a bagel. The goal of this move is to provide as much surface area as possible for cream cheese. To quote Jarod Kintz, “Eating a plain bagel with no cream cheese is like eating the inner tube of a bicycle tire, and I’d rather ride my roller skates to work.”
Here’s a helpful video demonstrating the technique:
Basically, you’re making a bagel Möbius strip, creating two interlocking carb circles to expose maximum surface area for cream-cheese slathering. Sure, it’s a little more complicated than simply slicing your bagel in half, but isn’t the promise of extra cream cheese on bagel action worth the effort?
Besides the amount of time involved, we do see two obvious downsides to this maneuver:
1. You won’t be able to toast this bagel in a toaster. You’ll need to use either a toaster oven, a full-size oven, or—if you have access to one—a conveyor-belt oven.
2. You’ll have to resort to using a knife and fork to eat it once you’ve applied the cream cheese. Otherwise, you’ll be wearing half the cream cheese instead of enjoying its deliciousness.
But look at that bagel. Really look at it. If you do this in the kitchenette at work, you’ll probably get a raise on the spot.
Once you’ve mastered the math bagel, you can graduate to the mathematically perfect way to cut a cake.
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