Playing the role of enlightened eater often means shunning the big-box restaurants of your youth. How can T.G.I. Friday’s put Korean tacos on their menu? you’ll ask indignantly, launching into a diatribe about cultural appropriation and waxing nostalgic about the amazing food truck you discovered in L.A., where the dish was practically invented. And you wonder why America is fat! you’ll declare while watching a large man eat a grilled cheese stuffed with mozzarella sticks. This used to be an independent small business, before Applebee’s bought the space you’ll say, lying to make a point.

But let’s be real: Amid all the copycat cooking and middling fare, chain restaurants have some incredibly delicious dishes that speak directly to our deepest, guiltiest pleasures. Moreover, these places—not fast-food joints like McDonald’s and Burger King, but casual sitdown spots such as Cheesecake Factory and Red Robin—are an integral part of the American dining landscape. They are the stage where high school students seal their young love over a plate of Bang Bang Shrimp, where families bridge generational gaps, and where regular folks can mingle with rappers and NBA players.

Ultimately, the key to successful chain dining is knowing how to order. If you find yourself on the road with no options but the local mall, or grandma insists on taking her annual trip to Cracker Barrel over the holidays, use this guide to ensure that you get the best out of the experience.

What is it: A fudge-filled chocolate cake, served with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and hot fudge sauce.

Why we love it: Remember that scene in The Devil Wears Prada when Meryl Streep, playing Anna Wintour, breaks down the path of cerulean blue from Oscar de la Renta runway shows to the bargain bins of Casual Corner? Chocolate fondant cake has had a similar evolution, beginning in haute kitchens—many attribute its creation to either Michel Bras or Jean-Georges Vongerichten—then trickling down to, well, places like Applebee’s. You can tell your family this story while eating the Triple Chocolate Meltdown to prove that college was not a complete waste of money. Find a location.

What is it: Grilled shrimp and a mix of Italian cheeses on top of a nine-ounce Sirloin steak, with seasonal vegetables.

Why we love it: It’s kind of a budget-oriented spin on surf ‘n’ turf, but that’s all good with us—we have no desire to eat lobster at Applebee’s anyway. Throwing cheese on the whole thing is the type of gratuitous touch that we look for from chain dining. High fives all around. Find a location.

What is it: A grilled cheese sandwich made with American cheese and four fried mozzarella sticks stuck between two slices of sourdough bread. Served with French fries.

Why we love it: Denny’s recently introduced a Middle Earth menu in honor of The Hobbit movie, but don’t be tempted by Gandalf’s Gobble Melt: What you’re really here for is this Frankenfood monstrosity, which ingeniously combines two of the greatest stoner foods of all time into one handheld package. Find a location.

What it is: Shrimp fried and tossed in a creamy, spicy sauce.

Why we love it: Sure, throwing anything into the deep-fryer will make it taste better, but the secret here is in the sauce—a little sweet, a little tangy, and not shy about the heat. Popcorn shrimp isn’t something you usually find outside of a chains or sports bar, so you might as well indulge while you’re there. Look around—everyone else is, and that's because this dish is a bonafide hit. Find a location.

What it is: An onion fried until golden, then served with spicy signature dipping sauce.

Why we love it: One of the most iconic dishes in the chain-restaurant playbook, this grease monster is something everyone should try at least once. Outback claims that each of these onions is hand-carved by a “bloomologist.” Whether or not that’s true is ultimately meaningless, because what matters is this: Those crispy shards of onion, so perfect for dunking into an addictive spicy cream sauce, are always the business. Find a location.

What is it: A hamburger basted with Whiskey River® BBQ Sauce, served with cheddar cheese, crispy onion straws, lettuce, fresh tomatoes, and mayo on a sesame bun.

Why we love it: People who love Red Robin really ride for it hard, and it’s not hard to figure out why when you first get down on this stacked sandwich. The tanginess of the BBQ sauce and the crunch of the crispy fried onions are a winning combo, and the patty has enough beefy oomph to stand up to all the toppings. Find a location.

What it is: A plate of hashbrowns “smothered” (onions), “covered” (cheese), “chunked” (ham), “topped” (chili), “diced” (tomatoes), “peppered” (peppers), and “capped” (mushrooms).

Why we love it: Yes, the waffles with pecans and the All-Star Breakfast are great, but everyone knows that Waffle House is all about the hashbrowns—a plate of golden-brown shredded potatoes with your choice of toppings. True pros throw caution to the wind and get them “all the way,” with the whole menu of options tossed together into a glorious mess on a flat-top grill. Find a location.

What is it: Parmesan-crusted chicken served over pasta with mushrooms, peppers, and onions in a spicy New Orleans sauce.

Why we love it: “Cajun-style” pasta—excessively creamy, a little bit spicy, and really effing satisfying—has become a staple of chains across the land, from Red Lobster to Guy’s American Kitchen + Bar. But no one can touch the version found at the Cheesecake Factory, the holy grail of cream-sauced pastas. No only is the Alfredo sauce and pasta choice (al dente farfalle) better, but the whole thing is topped with lightly breaded, just-crunchy-enough fried chicken that would be a good dish on its own. Find a location.

What it is: A chewy bar of chocolate chips, walnuts, and coconut, topped with vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, and caramel.

Why we love it: Throw everything good about dessert into one dish and you have the Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie, a sort of brownie-coconut bar mashup topped with hot fudge and caramel. Finishing one of these bad boys after whatever gargantuan meal you just ate is a test of your chain-dining fortitude. Do it! Find a location.

What is it: Chicken, cheese, and a spicy buffalo sauce all stuffed in a spiced wrapper and fried until crisp. Served with Blue Cheese dressing.

Why we love it: Cheesecake Factory does not see international borders—any food that is fried and delicious becomes fair game for its fat-kid culinary exploits. This gut-busting appetizer is a prime example, combining Asian wontons, fried chicken, and buffalo tenders into one in-your-face finger food. Find a location.

What is it: Wood-grilled chicken topped with goat cheese, sundried tomatoes, and a basil lemon-butter sauce.

Why we love it: With grilled chicken and sundried tomatoes in the mix, you might mistake this signature dish for a sissy healthy option and move on. But don’t get it twisted: The combo of poultry, cheese, and lemon butter hits the spot every time, and you can bet your life it's not healthy. Fun fact: It’s named after the city of Bryan, Texas, where the Carrabba family settled in the United States. Find it a location.

What it is: Wok-seared minced chicken, mushrooms, green onions, and water chestnuts served over crispy rice sticks with crisp lettuce cups.

Why we love it: Once you get over the fact that P.F. Chang’s is about as authentically Asian as the Hooters is kid-friendly, you can get down to the business of enjoying these wraps, which are a triumph of culinary appropriation—one of the enduring legacies of the American chain, after all. Seriously though, they are damn good. Grab the lettuce cups, hold them like little burritos, and try to eat them before anyone else at the table can dive in for seconds. Find a location.

What it is: Breaded chicken topped with shaved ham and Swiss cheese. Served with Malibu sauce on the side and French fries.

Why we love it: When was the last time you went to a Sizzler? Probably fucking ages ago. But you should make a return for the Malibu Chicken, which improves upon the obvious joys of a chicken cutlet by adding ham and cheese for an unstoppable trifecta. The Malibu sauce, something akin to a mustard-infused mayo, sets the whole thing off proper. Find a location.

What it is: USDA Choice Steak breaded and deep-fried, then topped with Sawmill Gravy.

Why we love it: We have a special place in our hearts for Cracker Barrel, which even in the context of other chain restaurants feels distinctly American, with its faux-country stores and emphasis on blue-collar dishes like meatloaf, chicken and dumplings, and biscuits. The fried steak, smothered in peppery white gravy, will require you to pull off at the next rest stop and check into a motel to sleep off the inevitable food coma. Find a location.

What it is: Two Steakburgers with melted pepperjack cheese, lettuce, vine-ripened tomato, grilled onions, jalapeños, and mayo on grilled sourdough. Served with fries.

Why we love it: When it comes to chain burgers, this 75-year-old Midwestern classic has the game on lock—in fact, this is just a great burger by any standards, and it could stack up against versions found at haute gastropubs and roadside mom-and-pop shops across the country. The two patties are smashed thin and crispy on the griddle, then draped generously with American cheese and sandwiched inside a soft, buttery bun. The proportions are impeccable, the meat is juicy, and the price is insanely low. Steak ‘n Shake rules. Find a location.

What it is: A rib-eye steak in a soy-pineapple marinade, served with a loaded baked potato.

Why we love it: If you’re the meat and potatoes type, this may be your ultimately chain option. Is it that Hawaiian? No, but that’s the appeal—a little bit of ginger, soy, and pineapple works well with the juicy steak, and there are few things on this earth more satisfying than a baked potato stuffed with cheese, bacon, and chives. Find a location.

What it is: Shaved prime rib on a toasted French roll, served au jus.

Why we love it: Houston’s does right by the classic American sandwich. The beef is tender, juicy, and plentiful, and the bread is nice and squishy, but not so much so that it falls apart. Dip it in the salty jus and use the horseradish spread to cut through the richness. Find a location.

What it is:  Crispy battered pieces of chicken breast in a spicy Thai caramel sauce with mushrooms, onions, red chili peppers, garlic, and ginger. Served with rice.

Why we love it: You might not have been to a Grand Lux, which is the slightly more upscale, vaguely European cousin of the Cheesecake Factory. If not, you’ll want to rectify that posthaste and get familiar with the Crispy Caramel Chicken, which stands out for its juicy white meat and excellent balance of sweet, spicy, and savory. If you like General Tso’s and orange chicken from the corner Chinese takeout spot, you’ll probably be into this. Find a location.

What it is: Crispy baked potato shells filled with bacon, cheese, and more.

Why we love it: Once a staple of American bar rooms, the mighty potato skin has fallen out of favor on menus across the country. Thankfully, T.G.I. Friday's still waves the flag for foundational appetizers. Here, you'll find classic skins in paired-down perfection, eschewing any current food trend and reminding us of the simple glory of perfect combinations. Find a location.

What it is: Three flour tortillas filled with grilled shrimp, pico de gallo, and sliced avocados.

Why we love it: Don't be shy, gringo. It's okay to champion flour tortillas. Especially when they are filled with the pinnacle of Americanized south-of-the-border seafood—grilled shrimp in Chili's signature chile-lime sauce. Curren$y once tweeted his displeasure that the Chili's cheesesteak isn't a real cheesesteak sandwich. Purists could take similar issues with these tacos. However, they'd be missing the point: This is the dish that defines what Chili's does best—twisting and turning "exotic" flavors into Middle American classics. Find a location.

What it is: Homemade lasagna, lightly breaded chicken Parmesan, and creamy fettuccine alfredo.

Why we love it: Olive Garden, for all its failures in authentic Italian cooking, wins by combining three of the best Americanized dishes on a single platter. It may make more sense if it were renamed "Tour of Jersey Shore," but it flat out succeeds as a combination of highly stereotyped flavors regardless. Find a location.

What it is: Dinner rolls.

Why we love it: There is no shame in finding comfort in mass-produced bread rolls. The yeasty O'Charley's variety gets an added kick from the honey butter, but in the end they primarily triumph due to familiarity. Think Pepperidge Farm rolls. Think about your mother saying, "Don't fill up on bread." Think, "I'd better fill up on bread as an excuse for not ordering anything off this menu." Find a location.

What it is: Exactly what they sound like.

Why we love it: These are biscuits of lore, and they are reason enough to indulge your Red Lobster-loving family and battle through an otherwise bland menu. The cheese biscuits are what you'll remember from a trip to the place—they are straight crack, all cheese and garlic and buttery pastry. Eat as many as you can without arousing suspicion, then sidestep the suspect seafood. Find a location.

What it is: Pizza dough rolls, dipped in cornmeal then cooked in a wood-fired oven.

Why we love it: In college, we had a drunken friend who hopped over the counter at a local pizza place and orchestrated an impromptu class on garlic knots. His brazen behavior completely changed the game when it came to post-bar gorging, as we realized that something as simple as dough drenched in garlic and butter could be the ultimate snack. Bertucci's already knew this, and their signature rolls revolutionized the chain restaurant breadbasket. We especially love them for transforming frankly mediocre pizza dough into something transcendent. Find a location.

What it is: A creamy chicken stew with soft, flour dumplings.

Why we love it: On December 12, K&W will offer chicken and dumplings at the 75th anniversary price of $0.75. Killer deal—especially since the dish happens to rock. Think of K&W as a Southern version of Boston Market, except less fast-foody and more like a throwback church dinner, where you line up cafeteria-style and build your feast. Sometimes we don't want to be waited on; instead, we just want to grab a tray and fill it with soul-enriching comfort food, including all sorts of stuff congealed in tomato aspic, plus hearty helpings of chicken and dumplings. This is a place—and a dish—for the whole family. Find a location.